So Little Johnny goes to his room and comes back an hour or so later.
He resumes playing with his train, only this time when he stops it he says, “All of you ladies and gentlemen who want to get off, you may now get off, and those who want to get on, you may now also get on. And as for those of you who have a problem with the hour delay, talk to the a**hole in the kitchen!”
Daughter: Dad, I have a flat tire! Dad: Can’t you call your husband? Daughter: I tried, he didn’t answer. Dad: Do you have a spare? Daughter: He…
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in…
Introduction to Agate Burnishers
Paddy calls his wife from the hospital. Paddy says, “Honey, I had an accident at work.” His wife replies, “Oh my God, what happened?” Paddy says, “I…
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm…. ‘I’d like to buy a horth’ he says. What sort of horse?’, said the owner. ‘A female…
Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married. Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I…