Nearing the end, old Ed is surrounded by his loved ones.

As the final moment approaches, he gathers all his strength and whispers, “I must tell you my greatest secret.”

His family members are all ears, urging him to go on.

“When I was young, I had it all,” explains Ed. “Fast cars, cute girls, and plenty of money. But a good friend warned me, ‘Get married and start a family. Otherwise, no-one will be there to give you a glass of water to drink when you’re on your deathbed.’

So I took his advice. I traded the girls for a wife, beer for baby food. I sold my Ferrari and invested in college funds.

And now here we are. And you know what?”

“What?” whispered the fascinated members of his family.

“I’m not even god damn thirsty!”