A man and his wife are at a high school reunion. The husband keeps staring at a gorgeous drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table, glass after glass. His wife turns to him and asks, “Do you know her?”‘Yes,” sighs the husband. “
She’s my ex-wife.” He explains, “She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” exclaims the wife,…”Who would think a person could go on celebrating for that long?!”
Daughter: Dad, I have a flat tire! Dad: Can’t you call your husband? Daughter: I tried, he didn’t answer. Dad: Do you have a spare? Daughter: He…
So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in…
Introduction to Agate Burnishers
Paddy calls his wife from the hospital. Paddy says, “Honey, I had an accident at work.” His wife replies, “Oh my God, what happened?” Paddy says, “I…
A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm…. ‘I’d like to buy a horth’ he says. What sort of horse?’, said the owner. ‘A female…
Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married. Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I…