1. My Father-in-Law Didn’t Get My Name Right – My father-in-law repeatedly used my husband’s ex-girlfriend’s name during his speeches and when talking to me. His toast at the wedding was full of slurred speech and a story about Mark and Alyssa, their budding romance, and how adorable it was. I’m not Alyssa. Alyssa was his girlfriend in high school. His parents got divorced when he was young.
He was into alcohol abuse, and I’ve met him twice outside of our wedding. He didn’t see much of my husband after he was 12. He was out of touch. We had been dating for about seven years before our marriage. My father-in-law should at least get my name right. 2. The Reception Turned into a Mess u/Enjolras1781: My friend got married and decided to have a private ceremony but an open reception in a massive hay field in Vermont. They invite a large number of people, and over 300 show up. It’s a predictable apocalypse from 10 a.m. until around 6 p.m. when everyone is seriously drunk. People go in and out all day, with four constant groups; the direct family, the bride’s sister’s college friends (from the women’s studies major and Model UN team), the groom’s home friends (who are all either farmers or animal breeders), and the bride’s friends (the guys I came with, numerous interests but a mutual love of poking things with sticks). There are some minor altercations between the home friends and college friends, but it’s a drunken fire party in the middle of nowhere, so some yelling and boisterous ideological disagreement was expected (and encouraged by many; “he was calling you a feminazi, you are going to go sort it out?”) but it came to a head when a heated discussion turned to a girl getting hit with a hot coal shovel. Utter chaos, multiple 911 calls, police cruisers from three different departments, and a couple of ambulances later, we had been given the order to disperse. The problem was that we were all drunk and loud, so after a few arrests and a stern scolding from the police, we put to bed several people well beyond the legal limit and sent home a lot of questionable people. What about the girl hit with the shovel? The guy had no idea it was the recently used coal shovel and just wanted to smear a little dirt on the girl. He’s a veterinarian and dragged her off, apologizing profusely, and fixed her up within an hour. The EMT didn’t even bother taking the dressing off. Unfortunately, you can’t undo 15 near-simultaneous 911 calls. Both of them stayed the night since they couldn’t drive, and we found them in the same sleeping bag that morning. 3. The Mashed Potatoes u/Cant_Spel: My brother had an exciting toast at our wedding. He is genuinely a super-friendly guy that everyone likes. He proceeded to drink, and when his best man speech started, he thanked everyone for attending. Next, he had to thank the grandparents for attending and “doing what they did” (gesturing with air quotes) so our parents could be here. Next was a thanks to the parents for doing what they did so we kids could all be here. He then mumbles, “God bless the mashed potatoes!” and drops the mic, stumbling off the dance floor. We had a good prime rib meal, and some of the best chipotle pepper mashed potatoes ever. The whole reception erupted in laughter, and my mom went to the chef to get the recipe.
