A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says “Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink”. The bartender says “You can’t talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I’m going to throw you out!”.
The drunk says “Okay, I’m sorry. I’d like to buy the lady a drink”. The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says “The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?” She says “Vinegar and water”
I always thought housework was easy—something women just complained about. But when my wife left me alone for a day to handle everything myself, I quickly realized…
A sweet grandmother called St. Joseph’s Hospital and, in a soft, trembling voice, asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a…
When my daughter-in-law asked me to babysit for the weekend, I expected cuddles, cookie crumbs, and maybe a thank-you. Instead, I found a handwritten bill on the…
At ten, Mandy lost her parents and was taken in by David and Margaret, a couple from her church who promised to care for her. Instead, they…
Wife: “Honey, don’t forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you.” Husband: “Who is Valerie?” Wife: “Nobody, I just wanted you…
After her husband dies, the wife gets him cremated and takes the ashes home. She sets them on the table and starts talking: “You know that fur…